Anna Quindlen - Pulitzer Prize Winner

I'm a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul.

People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter's night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've received your test results and they're not so good.

Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and they to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone, and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre, at my job if those other things were not true.

You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are. So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast?

Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.

It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.

I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived.

Dutch way?

It all started in regular Dutch autumn morning (ie a dull cloudy day) in the studio at school. As usually the temperature in there is not far from 0. I had to work together with my group on our Nijmegen presentation. Only that this time I started feeling like the cold is really taking me. I left home, but it was already too late!
I all realized in the windy day while waiting for the delayed train to Den Haag central. People were crowding on the platform, hoping for the train to appear while facing the wind – I started to feel dizzy and unsure if I still want to go to my crap job. What shall it be getting a cold or getting some pocket money?

In the end the economic reasons won. I waited for around 1 hour for the intercity to Den Haag central. Luckily I also asked where what… because the train left from the opposite line which usually goes to Rotterdam so I wouldn’t even have guessed what where.

The waiting in the train was also long. After waiting around 15 minutes in Delft we finally set off to Den Haag. I arrived at work half a hour later, and of course I was asked why. I thought it will get even worse in fact, that he will not hire me anymore. In that case I was seriously considering of writing to the HS to claim damages. But this was in the train while waiting to set off from Delft. But in the end he received the news pretty ok “next time you should call”. The truth is that I would have called if I would have had credit on my phone.. but for the last month I decided that I can live without that as well.

So what is work for me? Well during these days, it represents piles of dishes waiting to be washed, and dried. Funny isn’t it? I wonder how much longer I can still do it. Just recently I took the decision not to do it anymore because of the crap salary (4Euro/h). However I find myself – like in many other occasions – that I am quite resilient – and literally I have no other choice.…. Meanwhile I start with the plastic boxes where they keep the food over night, they all need to be rewashed every morning. After finalizing them I need to pass t to the pizza plates, forks and knives, glasses (I hate those especially when I have to dry them), cups and other smaller plates.

Le Creusets are also hard to wash. They usually have a dry crust from the melted cheese or similar, formed while baking in the ovens. These ones should be left in water for some time in order for the crust to be easier to take out with a short sharp knife.
Other jobs means scrubbing the floors, the toilets and clean up some un-used rooms – when they see me staying for nothing. Hahaha…
For 20 Euros a day for max 3 times a week.

But that day I was tired and I was getting sick. I felt like the room was spinning slowly around me. I start dropping thing from my hands and I feel so tired that I can lay on the stainless steel table next to the cooker and sleep. Usually I am quite high spirited and I like the fact that I can’t talk the language of my working mates who are from middle east. We understand each other through an English, German or Dutch and Italian mix. Funny the pizzeria Pinocchio is in fact an Arab place to eat and drink. In addition to this state, given the fact that there are not too many clients today and so I don’t have much to do, the boss tells me to clean one of the side rooms, filled with construction debris and other sort of crap.

While collecting some bigger chunks of insulating foam and wood pieces and old postcard appears on the floor. Is been stepped over and is all wrinkled. It is from Italy and it is written in Italian - a simple "hello" type of text and regard tot he restaurant. The photo shows a boring city landscape – most likely the center of that respective city from where it was sent from. It was addressed to the Pinocchio restaurant and was send in ’87 from as far I can understand. So Pinocchio in fact has some history in here, it’s not only kitsch wall decorations and cheap paper table mats with Bruegel’s “The Peasants’ wedding”.

After I cleaned the room I go downstairs to tell him that I want to go home. I am tired and sick. I am sick of the job as well. He wants to discuss and re-promise me to make me a contract, He increases my salary to 4.5 Euros/h – g r e a t !

I am heading to the Railway station with a pizza in my bag. My train leaves in 30 minutes, I can still take a quick look at the “Médecins Sans Frontières” exhibition which is in the railway station. Photos taken from around the world illustrating the horrors of humanity, among them also a picture of a man in a beds’ room which was taken in Ukraine but the text was saying something about the communist regime in Romania and the Ceusescu politics – I didn’t got the right point in there because I can’t do Dutch. The exhibition is similar to the exhibition I had seen in Paris years ago. Only that then the image from Romania was far worse: dirty foster kids on some hospital floors (quite a well known image of Romania in Western Europe).
I wonder how much right these pictures give to the image of Romania. Judging after them it seems Romania is trapped in a self-repeating destiny: a bad political regime which affects the citizens. None speaks however of the horrors happening in US or France or Ireland. It makes you wonder where is the line between a country’s image marketing and media ethics.

A woman is watching a picture of a large group of black skinny kids all squatting in front of a men with a stick which is sticking a kid which slightly went off the rows. She looks slightly tired but interested while reading the text following the picture. She is leaning on her left foot while taking hir right foot out of her shoe to relax it a bit. Isn’t this funny: this is how the image of a country is made!

I return to Delft and as soon as I get home I eat and I go to bed. I have fever and sweat a lot. The second day (yesterday) I can’t go to school and I stayed in bed all day. I talked with my family over messanger. They sent me a 10kg package to pick up from Rotterdam tomorrow morning. I bet is food – which is good but not exactly what I was planning to get.

No more existential questions.

Days in Delft

luni 2 noiembrie - trebuiesc facute 2 lucruri:
1. trebuie sa imi incarc portofoliul be blackboard inainte de ora 12
si
2. trebuie sa paltesc chiria.

Sa le luam pe rand. Portofoliul - am lucrat la el de joi saptmana trecuta, iar in noapte de duminca spre luni chiar nu am dormit de loc ca sa il pot termina si sa fiu multumit de el. L-am terminat pe la 10 dimineata si l-am incarcat pe blackboard.
Dupa ce l-am incarcat am descarcat si m-am uitat si la restul de portofolii de la ceilalti membrii ai grupului. Al meu este diferit - nu neaprat pentru ca asha am vrut sa iasa dar pentru ca asha mi l-am imaginat de la bun inceput. Nu stiu exact daca o sa trec cu el sau nu studioul asta, dar consider ca am dat totusi tot ce am putut ca sa imi iasa acest lucru. Nu m-ar surprinde ca maine sa mi se spuna ca nu am indeplinit criterile cerute pentru absolvirea studioului si ca prin urmare nu am luat cel putin 6!

lucrul 2 de pe lista de luni este sa platesc chiria. Mi-e foarte tarsa sa fac treaba asta pentru ca nu am bani. Nu mai am bani de fapt de cam vreo luna si chiria asta ma cocoseaza la propriu. Incerc sa ma gandesc la diverse scenarii ca sa o evit - ce s-ar intampla daca nu as plati-o? in fine, iau decizia sa imi folosesc din nou cardul de credit si sa platesc iarasi 205 euro... este a 3-a oara cand imi folosesc cardul de credit, si a doua oara ca sa imi acopar chiria... de fiecare data cand o fac simt cum intru in pamant.....

dupa ce trimit portofoliul, mananc niste cereale (mancarea mea de baza pe ultima luna - cereale si lapte) ma spal si purced la oficiul DUWO. Ma simt in transa - nu am dormit toata noaptea si simt cum totul se invarte ushor in jurul meu. Ma urc pe bicicleta si deodata totul pare mult mai ushor.

Sediul Duwo este de partea celalta a canalului principal care intra in Delft. Ma decid sa o iau prin orasul vechi, trecand pe la gara. Imi place orasul, cu stradutzele sale mici si canalul cu apa... este minunat. Uite aici un pod, aici un colt de strada, o vitrina de magazin, niste oameni pe biciclete...Singurele inaltimi in delft sunt podurile - sunt asha ca niste cocoase aruncate peste apa...

Ies din centrul vechi pe poarta veche. Aceasta este strajuita de doua turnuri si un pod batant care se coboara peste canal ca sa treci. Trecand pe aici te face sa te gandesti cum era in Evul mediu... Totul este ingust, stramt..

Dupa poarta veche trec bodul nou peste canal ca sa ajung in partea celalta. DUWO este in vechea cladire de geodezie a TU delft - cladire care are un turn cu un observator astronomic. Este o cladire foarte misto - foarte olandeza - caramida rosie, cu un model complicat de imbinare.... ma rog.. .

Nah.. am facut-o din nou am platit iar 205 de euro. de pe card. si nici macar nu a fost chiria de pe noiembrie..

ma intorc inapoi spre casa... pe canal un vas mare trece... genul de vas care transporta nisip si alte materiale de constructii... mi se pare genial! Olandezii locuiesc pe aceste vapoare. Poti sa vezi ca pe punte au masina personala, si in cabina au organizata casa lor, mereu cu perdele si flori la ferestre (very romantic- ain't?)

pedalez in pas cu vaporul, il insotesc. uite primul pod se deschide si il lasa sa treaca.... si nu ma graesc sa trec al doilea pod ininte sa se deschida, ci as vrea - take my time - si sa-l las sa treaca vaporul primul... este un vapor foarte lung - presupun ca aceste canale sunt faorte adanci... viatza pare asha de ne-complicata de fapt... asha cum trece vaporul asta prin dreptul podului...

so totusi cum arata viatza mea in urmatoarea perioada de timp?

Superman and Batman

Superman and Batman decided to meet. They agree on meeting at Christanshaven at the metro exit. Superman is the first to arrive. He left home in time but the buss went all smooth and on time so he got at the meeting place 15 minutes earlier. Batman was late 5 minutes or so. This was due to work (bad guys roaming free on the streets, Batsign lit, you know the story…). The pass code was ‘Canada’. However they haven’t used it. This word was selected ‘cause Batman thought that Superman is coming from there.

After a short introduction of the two heroes they go to a caffee in the area. It was Superman’s idea. The place is a trendy, retroish bodega type place, with bored waiters but young and with good vibes. Music there is cool. The furniture (most likely collected at a Sunday market) looks comfortable and un-judgmental.

They stood outside. It’s a hot day in Christianshaven and sun is still lingering on the table they choose. The selection of the table was by the desire of Batman and with the power of Superman. Batman said: “go out and pick that table I’ll buy the drinks!”. It sounds imperative, but Superman didn’t object. In a way Batman was right, though, himself, would have liked to stay inside and not in the sun.
After a couple of beers, a coffee, a portion of soupy_rice_curry, and an interesting but not so cool discussion they moved on. Then they decide to go along the water front (it was Batman’s turn to decide where) towards Holmen. They discussed Architecture, Holland, transportation in KBH and some more. While Superman was showing an very critic view of things, however understandable considering his out casted situation, Batman was challenging him using his experience from the other place where he was living.

Then they turn, and head to Christiania. They entered in the land of pushers and fairy tales in the same time from one of its’ ends towards Holmen. This time it was Superman decision to take that way. They took the shadowy paths along the old fortifications, among trees and weird houses or places, they even found a tent on the way…. For a while they discussed about military service and some funny things about it. Discussion seem to miss a personal touch, when after a while, Superman fallowing Batman had a glimpse of what was missing. He did not get into details, but he did challenged Batman to guess what he was thinking. Cautiously, Batman refrains from doing so.

They finally reach the bridge crossing the water to the other side of Christiania. They agree taking the right side and continue their road to the MoonsFisher direction. Though Batman was complaining he was thirsty, Superman decided to go together over the fortifications and not on the streets. He personally finds that place much more interesting than boring streets. With a bit of complain Batman decide to follow. He looked a bit distressed, in fact, he might have not expected someone to take the lead.

After passing several groups of tripping youths, they arrive at the big swamp of people. They buy some bear, find a bench and discuss some more. They start to discuss the personal stuff. It appears that Batman has a soft spot for dorkish, home-boy type of person. However he admits he is very busy at work, he travels a lot and he is not into looking smth. serious for the moment.

Superman on the other hand feels a bit disappointed. Batman seemed perfekt so far. Even with his stubborn commanding attitude. It was in fact the first person that he had met that wanted things in other way than he wanted. He starts to admit that he is pretty a-social. He doesn’t like going out, and stays mostly home. Maybe he was a bit blaming himself about this, but that was the way it was in the end and he liked to say the truth.

All of a sudden a flying lampion appeared on the night sky. Superman never saw that before.. he realized how they worked (the hot air was propelling them up in the sky), but he couldn’t understand why they don’t burn cause they looked so fragile…
After a couple of more beers, they decided to move on. Batman had to sleep for the next day fighting with the bad guys. They split at the metro station, the same one where they met.

On the way Superman was thinking what went bad. He decide to write a message and home he write another one. Later on the replay puzzled him more. Batman went to get drunk in some place, after of friend of him ‘talked him into’. He is doubting, maybe he was hasty to judge... but still.

He hopes that there will be another remake.

Assignment #70

Assignment #70
Say goodbye.


REPORTS:
Sometimes it's hard to say goodbye. It just feels easier to keep holding on. But in the long run it's usually a good idea to let go, it's the daring thing to do. It allows room for new things, for transformation. And maybe the goodbye isn't even forever, but you can't know until you really say goodbye and mean it. In some cases, goodbye is really the end, and good riddance! For this assignment, say goodbye to all the things you need to let go of: bad habits, dead people, alive people, ex-boyfriends and girlfriends, self-destructive feelings and behaviors, jobs, projects, re-occuring thoughts, etc.

Write it as a simple list:

Goodbye Bill.

Goodbye wetting the bed.

Good bye interrupting people when they are talking.

etc.

It can be as long or as short as you like. And, most importantly, take a moment with each one to really say goodbye. This isn't a catalogue of your fears and faults, this is a ceremony to bid them farewell.Please don't send us HELLOS, only goodbyes.

(http://www.learningtoloveyoumore.com/reports/70/70.php)


Good bye low self esteem.

Good bye quilt feelings.

Good bye Copenhagen.

Days in København.

The magazines I receive by post I’m usually storing them in the bathroom, in front of the toilet. Unfortunately most of them are no better than images and pictures bearers for me ‘cause I can’t read Danish. The other magazines that I store in front of my toilet are older Newsweek magazines that I am borrowing from the kitchen area. Though I am not so found of political or economic news in general, these magazines are my only way of knowing what is happening outside. In rest is only Danish…

Most of the times these poor magazines are getting completely soaked when I am taking a shower. The Danish tradition ‘forbids’ having a shower cabin or at least some water collecting thing at the base where the shower is pouring. So, literally, the whole bathroom is a shower… I am saying ‘forbids’ because so far I have never seen in any of the houses I had been a proper shower, though, again a very curious thing, I’ve only met showers and nothing else.
I am in holiday now. My last examination, which was completely uninteresting and unchallenging, was Thursday last week. The examination consisted in 95% my work which was putted in a power point by my team mates. The professors looked awfully bored with students, their works and life in general. I think that they expected a jokers’ show in order to pull them out of their obvious uninterested moods and not some technical drawings that I worked my ass off for some single family house in Utterslev Moose.

I am now lying in bed, in my 3 by 3 meters room. My own ‘monk cell’ as they are called unofficially on the KIKK site when I had applied for accommodation here. Tomorrow I have to wake up at 530 in order to do my j_o_b. Later on I have a job interview, which, by the way, the second one I have in half a year since I had arrived here!!!!!! Although I am tired of sending mails with applications or even handing in my CV myself to restaurants and bars and pubs… I think I had applied for around 100 positions so far with 99% failure rate. They don’t even bother to write you if you are not accepted or not. Before anything you have to wait…. If you want to date someone usually you have to wait until next month or so. If you want to go to doctor – the same, if want to buy some drugs (pharmacy ones) same… And everybody prefers to smile instead of telling that they hate you…. You know when at the pharmacy or at the supermarket they smile and they talk to you in English like a piece of scum, which is the purest way of saying: ‘What the fuck you’re doing here?!?!!! Go back to your fucking country!’

I think now I realize that there is actually something else than study and a life, that keeps me here. I can’t put it in words yet, however I have a feeling of what it might be.

first impressions in 4 weeks.

So far this is the forth week I'm in Copenhagen. It is funny to get to
know people a bit closer and i find Danes quite a curious nation. Like
for example in terms of planning the future...
I am asking a friend by sms, one Saturday, how he is and if he would
like to meet. He answers back that he is fine and that he is at work
so he can't meet. I question him back when will be off. He answers
that on Wednesday in the afternoon will be free.

I am thinking for some time to write this series of dump questions i
receive from the people over internet. The overwhelming ones are:
"where are you from?" (9 out of 10) and "are you happy here?" (7 out
of 10). A classic discussion would be smth. like - from beginning to
the end:
(DanishDude): "aften der mester *S* men ehm er du snowboarder siden du
kalder dig selv det ?"; (me): " I am sorry I can't understand Danish";
(DD): "oh well. Where are you from?"; (me): "Romania"; (DD): "A ok.
Are you happy here?"; (me): "I am feeling fine here - indeed - so far
at least"; (DD): "what are you doing here?";(me): "studying"; (DD):
"what are you studying?"; (me): "architecture"; (DD): "interesting..".
And that's it, the interesting discussion ended in "interesting"
indeed.

A very special discussion i had today: (me): "hey!"; (DD): "hey!";
(me): "nice pics"; (DD): "Thanks! You look really good too!"; (me):
"thanks :) so what are you looking for in here?"; (DD): "Well I'm
probably looking for a date. Where are you from?"; (me): "Romania";
(DD): "Too bad that you're in Copenhagen. Otherwise I'd have offered
you a nice cup of coffee tonight "; (me): "i am in Copenhagen "; (DD):
"Yeah - and I'm in Århus. 3½ hours by train...".

O well - as O. might say - Denmark is indeed very interesting. Just
imagine that i am at this study program and 50% of the classroom is
made up by carpenters, bricklayers and concreters. I suppose no
carpenter from Romania, or any other such professions as a matter of
fact, would like to advance their studies, this of course if they are
still working in the country, if not picking strawberries in Spain.

My impression about my faculty: it is nice to go back to the earlier
stages of education. And don't get me wrong, i am not trying to sound
superior or smth., but after 5 years of advanced mathematics and
mechanics it is almost general school for me what we are doing. To
give you an example, I looked on the school's server and i had checked
the mathematical formulas for my semester. The area of square and
circle, the sector of the circle, the perimeter of the square. It is
still 2D geometry, 'cause they'll study the 3D in the 3year of study.

And is no wonder since in the shops, banks and even with a calculator
in front they can't make basic mathematics: additions and
subtractions... I do suppose that explaining in front of the classroom
how the loading forces acts in a bridge and what is negative
deflection of a beam is a bit more complicated.

I guess that for me the most complicated thing is working in a team.
Being educated in the holly spirit of "tu tintesti, tu dai cu capul"
(in free translation - "you target, you hit your head") preached by
the educational system from Romania (maybe some communistic
remain..alongside with everything else in fact, books, infrastructure,
knowledge and professors - nothing has changed), individual work is
the mother of all things. So far my only comfort is that: "if it gets
bad, is because we all had to contribute with smth to it...:)"
I also see why now is so frequent to work in teams in a big company:
it can't be only one person to blame for the fucked ups.


So far my team's accomplishments were a bridge from wooden sticks
and glue and a house model from the same wooden sticks and
paper. These were called class assignments.

So i know i haven't been visiting these pages for some while now but i do have some good excuses at least. And to see what i mean, please read the followings:

this is day 5 since i had arrived in Copenhagen which is supposed to be my new residence town for the future period of time because of my studies. before arriving here i had a couple of weeks full of work for my portfolio in order to send it to TUE and TUD. I was hoping to finish it and wrap anything and send them while i was till at home. However, luck was not with me, and given the lameliness of the photocopying center i got some pages badly printed, that could not be remade, so it could not be bind together and then sent with the rest of the application documents.

The solution was to do it here. Hence, i took all the pages and tried to put it together here. I had to remake some of them because of the poor quality or because of the page fitting. in total all the rest of the job to finish it here it cost me around 650 Danish Krona which is close to 100 Euros.

Lessons learned:
1) different printing machine - different qualities and - gosh - i mean really big differences - from color, to texture of the print, to position of the printed area on the page..
2) teh same applies to the photoshop program that is used to pen the tifs in order to print them: it depends on the settings for color it has loaded..
3) in order to have a full A4 - print the page on A3

well enough with the technical side of this issue.

I am trying to calm down. It has been actually a pretty stressful week because of the so many things which takes place in the same time. I feel now a lot more relived for sending the application documentation and somehow solving the issue with the service contract. What i feel unrest about is the environment here. Why is everyone asking me from where am i from and then when they found out they all of sudden lose interest in discussing with me?

What is so wrong about Romania? In fact this issue has stirred so many resentments that the lady from the faculty before understanding that i had been already accepted to study told me to go back to my country.. :( Someone else has expressed frankly that :Romania is a country of thieves and lairs.

Even so it seems that there are also some other fellows around here: yesterday i had lunch over a girl i heard about from a friend of mine back in romania. She was from brasov and she cooks very good :) when i left she gave me also half a bread. that was really nice of her.

today i heard romanian in the internet caffe i was. It was the dodgy voice of a "manele" type of guy (in fact he was actually listening to that in that moment).

In rest: it seems that the most appropriate jobs for me here are: papers distribution, bartender, cleaner or seller in supermarket. They say these jobs are the most easily to get.

I want to start getting to the gym again and start running.

need to calm down.