again clubs

..every morning when i am going to the office i am putting on another face of mine...evertime i am getting in the elevator to return home i am leaving it like a dead skin..behind me...

i was returning from my office and i had again the feeling of emptiness...that evertything is pointless and that I am wasting my time doing something that is neither relevant nor enough nor that i like...

..i haven't build anything yet, if i will die tomorow there will be so few to remember me....there will be nothing to leave behind......

and i am doing something that i don't see it as something to develop myself...or not in the way i can take the maximum of myself....i think that what it is considred by others as being in general good to do, is in fact something that you start to get used with so that at some point you can't see any other way except the way that you had learned....

...yes i am scared of responsability...and yes i am considering myself a free being...but in fact i am not.. i have to give from my space..from the freedom of my thought....to obbey the rules of society..that society had created in order to make individuals living all together in peace and unity... society, society, society, society, society, society, society, society, society, society, society, society, society, society, society, society, society, society, society, society....

...i am feeling ultimately sad, or depressed? or distant - i don't know how to discribe...and it starts to get cronic everytime i am returning home from the office...